I'll Have That. No You Won't.

Not many of us gain 25 lbs in a single month of holiday indulgence. Nor I.

The Strib food writer, Rick Nelson, was an hour long guest on MPR this morning with stories of bad service in restaurants. He and call in guests named names. Ooooh. Some good bad stuff.

A waitress who worked for me once got her food orders all screwed up and served the wrong food to a particular guest. When informed that the food on his plate was not what he had ordered, the waitress patted his arm in a motherly way and said," you just eat this anyway,I think you'll like it." I am not naming names.

MPR is planning a future show in which restaurant service personnel call in w/ stories of rude customers. Ooooh.

Where do you fit in?

Happy New Year!!!

Rye Krisp and Muenster, Cold Beer, Good Sports

Good sports on TV last night and on the radio. New England vs the Giants. Gopher men BB in the UNLV tournament. You can listen to WCCO AM radio on your computer. I just found that out. Gotta love radio and those radio announcers, thanks to this new technology( computers).

Hard tack and sharp cheddar and a cold beer. Dad always called it hard tack, though I've never seen that printed on a package. Rye Krisp. Muenster too, soft and creamy and white w/ an orange rind. The soft cheese and the hard cracker is a nice contrast in texture. There is a depth of flavor in rye crisp, even though its only rye flour and water and salt. Simple can be pretty good. Good for you too.

So I'm in my fleece at the laptop on the porch listening to the the basketball game and watching the football game as reflected in a strategically situated mirror and the kids are out sliding down the hill onto the lake in the dark. It was a great evening. Love all this fresh snow. Both of my teams won.Brady and Moss set records. Hoffarber sparks the Gophers into an early lead after a sluggish start.

The kids come in and have hot chocolate and peppermint tea. We win all around. We have fudge for a late night treat and all crawl in together, even the pup, for a while. A great night.

Chili Today, Hot Tamale

If there was ever a time that you would like to know that you are eating when you are eating, it is when you are eating chili. Show me a truly good bowl of chili N of Mpls and I'll buy it for you.

Many in the restaurant business Up North apparently feel that it is taboo to offend anyone with spice and/or with depth and complexity of flavor. Or else, like a lot of restaurant owners Up Here, they simply know nothing of food and make the very tired and bland variety of chili that is unbelievably actually called chili. The origin of chili is the chili pepper. Nary a pepper will be found in most chilis Up North. Ground beef, onions, kidney beans, chili powder and canned tomato soup. Not a real pepper. No garlic. Not a tomato. Cooked too long and too thick. Bland, boring glop.

I had a cup at a local bar/restaurant on the south shore of Mille Lacs yesterday. I should have known better. I do know better. Even a Mn style chili can be good. Just not in a local restaurant or cafe or bar. Too bad.

Work Out, Eat Christmas Cookies

As God is my witness, I love Christmas cookies and candy. I have only made fudge( the old fashioned way), and mahogony buttercrunch toffee w/ chocolate and nuts this year. My favorites. Another favorite, though, is a shortbread style cookie( not too sweet like sugar cookies), frosted w/ confectioner's sugar, cream cheese, milk to moisten and/or butter. It is not too sweet, and you can add lemon juice to the yellow frosting, and lime juice to the green frosting, and melted redhots to the red. Cream cheese adds taste and body and protein. You feel like you are eating healthy if you worked out that day. It is the best frosting in the Christmas Cookie world.

During this holiday season, you must remember that any food that tastes really good, is really good for you. Taste trumps calories. Don't forget to workout. The food won't hurt you a bit. Every time you eat, your metabolism kicks in. Eating is good. Working out also helps if you have been drinking egg nog. Egg nog is good protein and it may lighten you up a little bit, if you are me. Merry Christmas. Pray, Eat, Love!

Why You Should Eat Alaskan King Crab for Christmas

Because they are exquisite, you don't have to cook them, and they are cheap compared to any top of the line steak or prime rib. They are cooked and frozen immediately on the boat in the Bering sea. That means they are fresh. They have their own packaging too, which is called a shell. Simply thaw them and serve them w/ melted butter( and garlic if you like). Or you may warm them in a pan w/ water, an oven, or a microwave. Remember: they are already cooked, you only need get them thawed, warmed, or hot depending on your temperature preference.

King Crab demand a stout knife, or a scissors( fiskars work great) to cut/slice the shell. You will get sections of crab that are hot dog sized. Bang on the knuckle and the claw w/ the back of a french knife or even a small hammer. They are fun to eat.

I bought five lbs of them at Thielen's in Pierz last wk at $8.99 a lb, and fed 8 adults to satisfaction. This wk they are $9.99 a lb, still a bargain. Pinot Grigio white wine is a good accompaniment - slightly sweet like the crab.

Bring Em On, Onions and Mushrooms, that is

Another great appetizer to serve at holiday gatherings is a mixture of slow sauteed( carmelized) onions and mushrooms - any will work - I used baby portobellas. Start w/ olive oil and finely diced onions and simmer until they are golden, add butter and garlic, chopped mushrooms, parsley and sage and continue simmering. You can't rush the process or you will burn the butter. This is slow cooking at it's best - always take it slow when carmelizing onions or they will burn. You are bringing out the natural golden sugar in the onion. Sweet. Oh - one part onion to 4 parts mushrooms. You may finish them off w/ a little white wine, brandy, or cognac for the last minute or so of cooking.

Cool to serve or serve just warm or room temperature on baguette rounds. The butter in the recipe congeals as it cools and helps to make a paste of the onions and mushrooms.

Surrounded by Cheeseballs

Here's a take on the ubiquitous cheeseball that is de rigueur this time of the year. It is a salmon and cream cheese ball that is sweet and spicy in an asian way.It doesn't have to be spherical. You could make it in the shape of a salmon, a Christmas tree, or a football for example, which I did once did for a party on Bay Lake at which Bud Grant was the guest of honor.

Begin w/ a pkg( 8 oz) of softened cream cheese. Add 3 oz flaked w/ a fork cooked salmon( canned or your own leftovers), 1 tablespoon of honey, 1 tablespoon soy sauce, 1 teaspoon of cayenne pepper( or red pepper flakes), 1/2 teaspoon granulated garlic, 3 tablespoons chopped green onions( or chives, or 1 teaspoon onion powder). Mix it all together w/ the back of a spoon, taste and adjust seasonings, shape it as you wish and sprinkle chopped parsley and /or paprika on it. If you have shaped it like a Christmas tree, you could use red pimentos and fresh herb leaves like basil or cilantro to decorate the tree.Chill.

Serve it w/ assorted crackers or baguette rounds. It is really good. You could add lemon pepper to it as well, or apricot preserves. Make it as sweet and or/hot as you like.

Merry Christmas.

The Captain Meets the Captain

A good old fashioned recipe for fudge can be found in Craig Claiborne's Southern Cooking. The kind you cook, no marshmallows. It is very similar to my Mom's recipe from the 50's or 40's or earlier. You have to beat this fudge w/ a wooden spoon until it looses its sheen, and then. introduce it to a buttered pan. Mom always did it drop style, which most people find almost impossible. Walnuts too. My favorite. I used hazelnuts tonight because I have a super abundance of them.

Next is mahogany butter crunch toffee w/ a chocolate and hazelnut topping. Why am I doing all this tonight.? Family Christmas gathering tomorrow.

The menu? Alaskan King Crab Legs and ratatouille on polenta pie w/ an alfredo type sauce on top - bolognese style. I am using spaghetti squash instead of eggplant in the ratatouille. Can't get eggplant up North at the corner store, but they did have spaghetti squash. Never had it. Should be interesting. A salad w/ dates and walnuts, bleu cheese, olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Maybe bacon too. Thielen's pepper bacon. A galette style apple crisp w/ whipped cream for dessert.

Egg nog to drink w/ Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum and Courvosier Cognac. I am testing that tonight while I make the sweets. Sweet.

Revisited: The Far Side of Town

In fairness to the supper club in the field on the edge of town, I must say that I did not see their regular menu( only the limited selection party one). If you have been a professional in the business, you know a lot about a restaurant by the time you are 10 feet inside the door. Was it clean out front?Did someone greet you? Tell you it is great to see you, thank you for coming, make you feel like the King of England? Is it dead quiet, or is there some great and appropriate music playing?

If you have spent many years in the kitchens of restaurants, you know exactly what is going on in the kitchen by looking at the menu. Are the appetizers all predone frozen stuff? Are steaks identified by their proper names? Are fish ( walleye) and seafood all breaded and deep fat fried? Is there anything that is really made from scratch? Is it a "wild rice blend?" Are are any of the choices different from what every other rural "supper club" has on the menu? Is this place chef driven? Does the waitress answer food questions knowledgeably?

Is the caesar salad made w/ iceberg lettuce? That will answer a lot of questions by itself. It either means that they don't know any better( go elsewhere), or that the owner is to cheap to buy the real thing( romaine). Go elsewhere. If the owner won't spend the money for the right lettuce, it is a clue that he/she is not spending money for other quality menu items. It may mean that he is buying by price alone, which will result in an inferior product on your plate. If you don't start w/ a great product, you will not end up with one.

On the Far Side of Town

Nearly every small town town in Mn has a supper club in a field just outside of town. It is the place that everyone goes to on special occasions, and on saturday nights. People think it is fancy. It has cloth napkins. The menu generally includes steak, breaded butterflied shrimp, and fettucine alfredo w/ chicken and maybe shrimp. There may be a caesar salad with iceberg lettuce. If it is good real food you are after, you are better off to have a homemade meatloaf at the cafe in town, if they make their own mashed potatoes and gravy(usually from a bag or mix). You are probably better off to eat at home, if you can cook, but sometimes it is nice to go out if someone else is paying for it and it is a business Christmas party. You would not want to pay for it yourself because who wants to pay for an iceberg lettuce caesar and bagged alfredo sauce.

Where does this come from? On Monday I was w/ a group of people just outside of town( Little Falls) at a supper club in a field. It could have been anywhere, really. I am glad someone else paid for it. I did enjoy the company.

A Good Reason, finally, to go to St Cloud

I was in St Cloud Sat eve to attend a Play at St Cloud State University, where my youngest son is a theater major. He had 4 small parts in the play, "Edmond" by David Mamet. It was a dark depressing play, brutal, sexual, shocking to see in the intimate setting of the downstairs theater in the Performing Arts Center. Good acting by the students in this student directed play, but I have questions about the choice of this play over the other consideration, which was " One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."

A great discovery: Pioneer Place and the attendant Wine Bar and Veranda Lounge in a historic building( 1916)in Downtown St Cloud which has been beautifully restored. Over 200 wines, many available by the glass, and if you don't know what to drink, Nick, the bartender will make a knowledgeable suggestion. Co owner Mark( hope I have his name right) was the perfect host, and is good at recommending the perfect single malt scotch, "neat," out of by far the most generous offering of Scotches that I have seen in this area. You feel like you are in "Gatsby " when you are there. They have plays in the Pioneer Place Theater, concerts and a piano bar as well. What a place to bring a date. (The walk in urinal in the upstairs men's room is worth a visit, too).

Pizza, Beer,and Excelsior Blvd

I remember when Don & Peggy Hegedus came to the Mille Lacs area in the early 80's as resort owners on the west shore of the Big Lake. The resort deal didn't work out, and they got into the pizza business because that's all they knew - had been in the retail pizza business in Elk River(?) or Anoka(?) previously.

So they began making and selling Heggies frozen pizzas. The rest is history. They were very successful at it( I am envious), and after many, perhaps 20 yrs or so, have sold, but it's the same great pizza. I had a Heggies Inferno tonight. You know you are eating when you are eating a Heggies Inferno Pizza.

You know how the memories of childhood and of your teenage years, perhaps, are especially memorable? You know, the best times of your life; maybe your first girlfriend, or your second, or third, at the local Pizza Parlor. It was the Pizza House in St Louis Park, on Excelsior Blvd. After a night of a few beers(maybe more) and looking for girls and hanging out at the local burger drive in ( Jay's in Hopkins), and cruising mainstreet( Geez we had a good main street), and maybe a run in w/ a gang from Lake Street in Mpls. Anyways, we would end up at the Pizza House and they had pizza like Heggies. The sauce was on the dough and the generous layer of Italian meats and cheese was like a seperate layer on top. Just like Heggies. I have no idea who owned that Pizza House or if they stayed in business or what. But I have gratitude for the recipe, which Heggie's has duplicated( knowingly or not), and some great memories. Thanks to Don & Peg.

Not Good

I hate to bring this up in the context of outdoorfood, but it was about 50 yrs ago on Nov 28th that Ed Gein got busted for killing and eating people, and doing other things w/ them. Remember all the Ed Gein jokes if you were a kid in the late 50's?

Vikes Not Sloppy; Gettin Tubby w/ Tubby

Some of you may wonder if pasta is outdoor food, but yes, it is, since the wheat to make the pasta is grown outdoors.

So are sloppy joes and corn, which we ate while watching the Vikings game today. Yikes they were good .What a satisfying game. I might even venture so far as to say Childress may be a good coach. Now what to do about the cheerleader that the gophers hired for a football coach. Sloppy joes and corn are not as good when you eat them with that football team.

Tubby is another story. Watch Blake Hoffarber, the freshman from Hopkins(my alma mater), as the Gopher mens' basketball team wins some games this year. Hoffarber was the guy who, remember, sank a basket from on his back as the final millisecond ticked off the clock in the big school state basketball finals two years ago. His shot was a worldwide ESPN highlight. He got 14 pts off the bench for the Gophers last night. Foie gras(tough as butter, succulent) may be on the menu sooner than we think.

Back to the pasta. You may recall that we had penne w/ red sauce last night. We had leftovers( do you ever cook just the right amount of pasta?), but didn't want to eat the same thing tonight. Here's a way to feed the fickle and the fussy. Make an alfredo sauce -melted butter and flour to make a roux, add milk,chicken stock( bouillon cube) salt, pepper, garlic, parmesan cheese. Fettucine alfredo for the kids. Bolognese for the adult(me). Bolognese is when you have red sauce on pasta and then add a white sauce(alfredo)on top of the red sauce.It is a wonderful combination, the best of two worlds. Salud! Game on! Works w/ any red sauce, w/ any pasta.

Snowed In, Just Like You

Snowed up, snowed in, snowed out, like the rest of you tonight. Lucky for me I laid in some larder for the wk end, as well as a decent bottle of Pinot Noir and a Remy Martin VSOP Cognac. When your housemates are two ten year old girls, you get to drink it by yourself, restraintfully of course, with and after dinner which was penne w/ Lois' home canned tomatoes and onions and peppers and mushrooms, plenty of garlic too.

The cognac is really good w/ espresso on the side. Cognac means perfume in French( I think), so be sure to sniff it before you drink it. That is why a SNIFter is recommended.

Shortly I will discover how it goes w/ popcorn balls. That is the end result of an evening w/ ten yr old girls. It is a good way to be snowed up, snowed in and snowed out. It will be Katrina's recipe of butter, marshmallows, and of course popcorn. Katrina is my daughter's guest tonight. We were having a snack earlier of soda crackers and muenster cheese and she said remember when we had rosemary crackers and jarlsberg cheese last summer at the Lake in Wisconsin? I didn't and then did. She has promise when it comes to food. She also saw a big toe emerge from under the door of a haunted house last summer in Wisconsin. She screamed and so did we. She intends to be a cardiac surgeon when she grows up.

I read about Kobe Beef in the most recent issue of Gourmet Magazine tonight. You know, the lovingly raised, hand massaged, beer fed beef cattle of Japan, the one that is all the rage at high end restaurants? Well, turns out they are confined to individual pens so they can't turn around or move too much in order to keep the meat tender. They lay in their own manure, which I suppose is better than laying in someone else's manure, and the massage is really the cowhand using straw to rub the manure off the animal. So much for legend, if the guy that wrote about it is right.